Appointment #10 - Revelations

I first read Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions over two years ago. Armed with new information about babies and the medical industry, I marched into my next gynecological appointment with lots of questions. My OBGYN was about 6 or 7 months pregnant at the time. I asked her about fetal dopplers and midwifery. She talked about doctor patient relationships. I also asked her about homebirth at which point she shared a story about a picture they were shown in med school of an otherwise healthy (?) 26 year old in a bathtub who had bled to death during childbirth. She then proceeded to turn the faucet in the exam room on full blast and say, "this is how much and how quickly you will bleed if there is a problem." Finally, she told me that I read too much.

I might have mentioned this before. It was because of this exchange that I sought out a new doctor. I never could figure out why the first OBGYN become so defensive. I do not believe that I was confrontational with my questions so I chalked it up to pregnancy hormones on her part. I felt so bad after the fact that I considered calling or writing to see if I had offended her. The bottom line was that because of her reluctance to discuss standard medical procedures, I was uncomfortable with her.

Today as I sat across from my new OBGYN who I've had since days after conception (before I even knew I was pregnant) and we talked any final questions I had about birth and her philosophies, I realized the amount of trust that I had in her. I wanted a doctor that would support me through natural childbirth and that I could trust if she said, "looks like we need to change course and do a cesarean/episiotomy/forcep delivery." I think that there is trust on her part too; trust that I won't turn into a monster, berate her and threaten a law suit; trust that I will follow her guidelines and advice in order not to endanger myself or my baby.

I think that this is what upset my first OBGYN. I wasn't acknowledging the bond that can grow between an doctor and a patient during all of those pre-natal visits. I was seeing the relationship as adversarial rather than cooperative. I'm not saying that I'll be sending my doctor birthday cards or asking about her personal life but there is a bond there that will allow me to not only entrust her with my life but also the life of my child. I'm fortunate for this.

Detour

35 Weeks Today! Five more weeks to go - let the one handed countdown begin!

The Husband is on a path straight to the Loony Bin if he doesn't get a vacation soon. Luckily we realized this and have made reservations at a B&B in Pass Christian, Mississippi this weekend. It's only about an hour away which is perfect.

There's a crab festival happening in a neighboring town but the biggest thing that I'm looking forward to is quiet. I like quiet. No kids will be running onto our porch uninvited, no tenants will be asking where the breakers are at 10PM, no drunks will be knocking on our door begging for money. It'll be fabulous.

Besides, as the Husband said, "when will we get the chance to do this again?" **Sniff**

FYI One canister of Pringles does not a dinner make.

Complaining? Me?

I slept poorly last night due to increasingly painful carpal tunnel. Normally, even if there is pain at night, it subsides during the day to a great degree. This morning however was almost unbearable. I called The Doctor to see what I could take - Tylenol. I don't even own a bottle of Tylenol. The Doctor also mentioned the possibility of meeting with an orthopedist. This is not appealing since I come from two generations of chiropractors and I blame them for my aversion towards internal medicine. Besides, they're not going to want to cut me open or shoot me up with cortisone while I am pregnant. So, I figured that I'd give my chiropractor a try.

I see my chiropractor about once a year with a stiff neck. He fixes it and I'm good for another year. To make a long story short, there's not much he can do. He adjusted my hand, showed me a massage that my husband should perform and had me dip my hands in a vat of paraffin. Relief was temporary but my hands are REALLY soft.

So, what's a girl to do? B6 is rumored to help so I will be more diligent about taking my prenatal vitamins, I'll continue my attempts to consume 72oz. of water during work and I'll start icing my wrists once I get home.

Until this thing subsides, The Husband might have to start cutting my meat for me at dinnertime. It's good practice for him anyway.

Like Pirner Tells Me on the Radio

It is not uncommon for me to receive wrong number calls on my cell phone. Sometimes I receive wrong number calls multiple times from the same person. In these instances, their numbers get saved under some derogatory name so when they pop up I can ignore them or tell them to go to hell. These past few days I've been getting random text messages.

First, "We made it to chicago!" coincided with my mom flying out West. She doesn't know how to text message but I thought maybe she started referring to herself in the 1st person plural. Upon further investigation, I learned it was not her.

Then, "We just stopped at the worlds largest truck stop in iowa" popped up a couple days later and just annoyed me. I don't have the brain power to waste on reading up on a stranger's road trip filled with poor capitalization.

:: ::: ::

My folks just bought a house in Tucson, AZ where my dad is starting a new job. Yesterday they went here. I am incredibly excited to visit. They are now three hours closer by car. Of course I'm not sure that a 25 hour ride is much different than a 22 hour ride especially when most of that journey is traveling through Texas.

:: ::: ::

I had such a productive Sunday. I cleaned out the shed and moved a lot more crap into it - mostly things from my childhood that I'm not ready to part with (i.e. my entire Strawberry Shortcake collection and a Lambchop puppet). Now we have a little more room for the boxes of baby stuff.

:: ::: ::

The Baby is getting bigger. I can feel it. It seemed like forever until her total weight was 1/2 lb. and how she is gaining that weekly. When getting up from the floor I'm finding it necessary to do that graceful maneuver of rolling onto all fours and then using something steady to brace myself into an upright position. It's only a matter of time before I allow myself to sleep on the toilet in the middle of the night.

Other Woman

I should be more secure about my marriage. It's been difficult as of late. About five years ago we met a young female and pretty much took her in as part of the family. We have shared a lot of good times with her and her affection for myself and my husband always seemed platonic; that is up until the past couple months. Although she is still friendly to me, she obviously favors my husband. She hounds him whenever he returns from work, begs for his attention and sleeps on his socks when he is not home. She even yells at him to lure him to the bed around 11PM. At first her behavior was comical - it seemed like a school girl crush but now I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't be more cautious of this other woman.

Slut.

Addict

My first order of Fuzzi Bunz arrived today. So cute. Must have more. Need a fix. Totally addicted.

Happy Friday!

The Husband went to a bachelor party last night - well half of the party since he had to work today and he had a pregnant and cranky wife at home. The half that he went to involved a suite at a Zephyrs game with all the beer and hotdogs he could eat. It sounded like fun. When he got home he mentioned something about an Infield Fly Rule that I had never heard of (I've played my share of Little League) and he wouldn't tell me what it was. I thought he was just being a jerk but he admitted this morning to not knowing what it was either. HA!

We got another surprise in the mail yesterday from someone who I have never met:

I spent the evening re-organizing baby stuff. It seems like I can do this for hours without getting bored. Actually, I do it for hours because once I sit on the floor to sort through things I don't want to get up. I have not yet resorted to scooting from room to room but it's only a matter of time.

It's not even 10AM and I have less than two hours of work left. Happy Friday!

Nipple Confusion

We were rear-ended on the way to The Husband's work this morning. All parties are fine. Even though The Husband was driving, I instinctively got out, inspected the damage - there was none - and returned to the car. I don't even think I said anything to the guy who hit us. He did apologize which was very kind of him then we were on our way. This sort of thing happens all of the time in a city where 70% of the drivers are drunk and the other 30% are asleep at the wheel.

:: ::: ::
I have already received a couple of baby items from folks that I barely know or have never met. It's because my mom is awesome and people are excited that she is becoming a grandmother. She called me yesterday to let me know that she is shipping out yet another package to me. She works with "special needs" children one on one at an elementary school and apparently this sweet boy with aspergers (which up until now I thought was pronounced "assburgers") and his crazy mother bought me/my mom/The Baby a lot of pooh stuff. Can't wait. It was very kind of them.

:: ::: ::
Ok, now onto our latest childbirth class at the hospital. The first two classes were about labor and delivery - blah, blah, blah, I'm totally an expert about that now. I know enough to write several instructional pamphlets. Last night's was about what to do with the BABY! Oh is that what I'm doing here? We saw a lengthy film on breastfeeding. It was very difficult to watch as I had never seen breasts used that way on TV before. I saw more aereolas than ever outside of a stage production of Hair and that porno film that The Husband's classmate dropped off in a brown paper bag "for later" (horrific experience - I'd rather not go into it).

I think that we learned a lot and I became desensitized enough towards the end of the video that I actually began to evaluate each baby's latching-on technique. We learned about umbilical cords and stork bites. I feel very fortunate that I unknowingly chose a hospital that not only encourages breastfeeding but also rooming-in and natural childbirth.

FYI: I am a very poor speller - always have been. So, when I run the Spell Checker and a word pops up as incorrect with no alternatives, I usually do a quick check through Google to confirm I have spelt the word correctly. There are some words that should never be Googled unless you are prepared for the results. "Aereolas" is one of these words. You've been warned.

Advice

"...the only thing worse than breastfeeding is breastfeeding in public. Don't those women know that the only place they should breastfeed is locked in a bathroom stall? That goes for breastfeeding at home, too. It's just repellent, the way they sit on their living room couches with their breasts exposed, while their husbands tuck dollar bills into their nursing bras." Chez Miscarriage

Hokey Pokey

34 Weeks Today!

I ran to the post office yesterday during lunch to pick up a package from The Husband's Great Aunt. It was a basket full of necessary and helpful items like soap, an ear thermometer, a "Baby in View Car Mirror", Baby Tylenol, an outfit and a knit receiving blanket. Oh, and there was also one of those ducks that tells you if the bath water is too hot (not terribly necessary but inspired me to sing a rousing rendition of "Rubber Ducky"). The Husband was not as excited as I was but I insisted that he remain still for thirty seconds as I held each item for him to ooh and aah at. At least I didn't insist on trying out the nasal aspirator on him unlike the meat tenderizer I purchased the other day.

We have a wedding to go to in town on Saturday. The odds are that these two will actually get married. Most of our friends split after the nuptials. It's a brunch wedding and I've promised myself a mimosa. It's the little things that keep me going.

Oh! I almost forgot. I have a new hobby now that the baby is bigger. I like to poke her legs and feet to get them to move. It's great fun. I had The Husband do it the other day but it freaked him out terribly and he had to take some quiet time. I can't wait to show off our new trick!

Last Laugh

"Pretty soon there won't be no such thing as men and women. Ya know that, huh? It's already happening in Europe" Male Co-Worker

This is why we don't often hire men in this office.

:: ::: ::
I gasped the other day while sitting on the couch. The Husband, concerned, asked me if I was ok. "So THAT'S a rib kick," I said. I feel like I've graduated to a new level.

:: ::: ::
When I returned from work yesterday I found a note on my door politely informing me that FedEx had tried to deliver a package and I could sign for redelivery or pick it up that evening. Redelivery, requiring patience, was not an option so I Mapquested directions and off I went to pick up not one but TWO fabulous baby gifts:

and !

I'd say that The Baby is spoiled but in actuality, it's The Husband and I that are totally spoiled. Totally, dude. This is fortunate because if it weren't for friends and family, The Baby would be sleeping with the cats in the laundry basket.

I immediately had to take the co-sleeper out of the box and start playing with it. The Husband watched me struggle and did nothing to assist me when I screamed in exasperation several times. He claims that he way trying to boost my self-confidence by letting me figure it all out but I know that he was just letting me flounder for his own amusement. It's ok because in the next couple of weeks he's going to have to dismantle our bed and move it to another room and it'll be my turn to laugh.

Don't Leave Me!

At one time in this office there were three of us pregnant. Two have had their babies and I'm still counting down the weeks. The first of the preggos announced today that she is leaving for a teaching job at a private high school in the area.

I am so happy for her. The nursery is three rooms from where she will be teaching so she can pop in on her son all day.

She returned to work here because she felt that she had to. She said that leaving her son all day was harder than labor - even though he was being left in the capable hands of her husband who is also a teacher.

I'm afraid that the second preggo will take a similar route and that I will no longer have anyone to conspire with or lead the way. But that's just because I'm selfish

I'm so happy for my co-worker (have I said that before?) and I'm inspired to just keep repeating my mantra that "it'll all work out in the end."

Primordial Ooze

A weekly email informed me today that "your breasts have probably increased in size and weight significantly and colostrum may begin oozing from your nipples." Oozing? I am slightly phobic of anything squirting out of my breasts and because of this I am going to pretend that they don't exist until the birth of The Baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm all gung-ho for breastfeeding but I'm just not comfortable at this moment with the mechanics involved.

I didn't do anything this weekend except sit on my butt and watch TV. I take that back, I did get some laundry done and the kitchen looks pretty clean but that's about it. I made Chicken Parmesan last night in an attempt to convince myself and The Husband that we can eat well without eating out. It was damn good if I do say so myself. Of course, how can you go wrong with that much cheese? I am now proud owner of a new meat mallet.

The (slightly awkward) Shower that was Thrown in My Honor by My Mother-In-Law that I Could Not Have Possibly Made It To was apparently a success and I appreciate it. I am looking forward to seeing what people have purchased for The Baby. I am really looking forward to our big shower on July 10th since it is co-ed and will involve The Husband and myself. It'll be a nice party and probably the last one that I will go to for quite some time without a diaper bag.

Onward

I had been putting of getting splints for my wrists to wear at night because I felt like this carpal tunnel thing could be cured by drinking excessive amounts of water and additional pillows. In mentioning it to my doctor yesterday, she heartily recommended getting a brace - so I did. It seemed like a good idea especially when she said that he symptoms sometimes last as long as six weeks post pregnancy.

Let me tell ya, the splints work! It made a world of difference not to wake up several times during the evening with numb fingers or aching forearms. Don't get me wrong, I did my fair share of waking up to pee, complain about the heat and once to work out a leg cramp (calcium deficiency my ass - I can't possibly consume more dairy).

Now that this carpal tunnel thing is under control, I am ready to move steadily into the most awkward stages of pregnancy. Even if I feel like my pelvis is all loosey goosey every time I stand, at least I can still shave my legs.

Appointment #9 - Fun with Fundus

I just got back from my latest doctor appointment. The heartbeat was good and strong and my blood pressure was normal (it was high last time for some reason). My fundus is measuring big (what isn't these days?) but that's not a problem as of yet. I gained nearly eight million pounds (or four) but the doctor didn't say anything so I am going to continue to eat Ben & Jerry's by the pint but I promise to share more often with The Husband.

Next time that I go in I will be getting a Strep B test which means I'm hereby ending the fabulous streak of walking into the OBGYN's office and being able to keep my clothes on. Boo.

Ice Packs and Tucks Pads

The Husband and I took a brief respite from birthing classes for a month after we finished Bradley. Our next batch of classes are held at the hospital where I am giving birth. We went o the first one then missed a couple so we have started the cycle over. Last night's class was focused on anesthesia, emergency care and after care. We learned all about the perineum and the anus. We also we taught that even though they might look like Stridex, Tucks pads are not meant for your face.

The Husband could not have been less interested in class. However, out of all of the things that he has learned through Bradley and the one class we've already been to at the hospital, I think that only one concept has stuck with him. That is the lack of patient consent typically given for an episiotomy. He brought this up to the instructor last night. As an attorney, this rubs him the wrong way. I half expect him to be a lump of Jell-o during my delivery but if the doctor whips out a scalpel toward the end he'll be there with a medical malpractice suit - and he's not really the suing type.

Well, at least one of us has retained something.

Fuzzi Wha?

33 Weeks Today!

With seven weeks to go, I realized that the only things that The Husband and I have for The Baby are:

1 Infant Carseat (gift)
1Infant Bouncy Chair (gift)
1 Fabulous Diaper Bag (gift)
1 Big Ol' Bottle of Dr. Bronner's Baby Soap for washing baby
1 Medium Bottle of Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Soap (I loooove the smell of this) for wipes
Several samples of diaper cream, soaps, moisturizers and coupons
1 Boatload of Clothes (all gifts)

Granted, my Mother in Law is throwing a shower this weekend up in South Carolina (which we unfortunately can not attend) and we are having a co-ed shower here around July 10th. Because of this, we have not bought anything. I'm starting to get a little nervous so just now I bought six Fuzzi Bunz, a diaper pail thingy and some wipes/wash clothes. I am so very excited! No, really, I am. It's freaky.

About this whole cloth diapering thing. I'm not sure how I got it in my head. It's probably from growing up in Vermont or maybe it was that six month segment in sixth grade that we did studying garbage and its effect on the world. It could be because I'm trying to be frugal and even though each diaper is $15 a piece, their resale value on eBay is over $10. $10 for a used diaper, almost $15 for new. Or, if I really like them, I can keep them for baby #2. Even with such a high price individually, we'll still save a lot of money over disposables.

I would much rather start out this adventure by using a diaper service but we have no such thing in New Orleans. I'm not getting a lot of support from people. Three have told me within the last few days that our attempts will last only one week. Granted two of the three do not have children nor have they tried cloth diapering. The third tried a different system with prefolds. People are not taking into account that I am stubborn and that I will certainly make it to at least two weeks without buckling. The Husband continues to humor me.

"But what about the poop?" people ask. From what I understand, baby poop gets everywhere anyway. This is what I've read and I've done a lot of reading. I figure that I will be so desensitized to poop that cloth diapers won't faze me.

The bottom line? I just like to be difficult.

It's Too Darn Hot

I make it a goal while living here in New Orleans not to complain about the heat until July. New Orleanians complain about the weather ALL THE TIME. We had a beautiful extended spring this year and I was thankful for every day. That said, it was damn hot yesterday. The high was 91°F with and average humidity of 75%. This put our heat index at, oh, 109°F? Is that right? Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick!

I retired my wedding band yesterday as I am terrified of having it cut off. We paid too much for those suckers to have the strength compromised. I am now sporting a flashy silver amethyst ring that I picked up in Mexico years ago.

I'm wondering if I need to buy another AC unit in order to prevent DSS from coming to my house once the child is born.

Too. Many. Demands. Please. Stop.

I ended up taking Friday off to wait for the refrigerator repair guy. It was a three hour work day and coming in for 45 minutes didn't make much sense to me. Apparently our timer was broken which has been happening more frequently in late model refrigerators. Who knew? The poor repair guy was dripping sweat in our kitchen as we have no AC in that room ... or any of the other rooms save the living room.

Yes, it's June in New Orleans and we have one window unit but it's been that way since we moved here and I'm a masochist.

:: ::: ::
The Husband and I worked in shifts yesterday to replace our tenant's bathroom vanity and sink. There was some sort of freak accident that involved a falling mirror and broken porcelain. I never want to install a bathroom sink again. Plumbing is not my forte especially when there are eight different washers and the instructions don't tell you which is which. There are no leaks and that's the important thing. The Husband also re-hung their bathroom door so that it would open properly. The Husband is finally becoming handy. Pregnancy works wonders.

:: ::: ::
The baby is growing stronger and The Husband felt her kick this morning as I slept. I felt like living on the wild side this weekend and not only ate fresh mozzarella and Brie but also part of a salad that had crumbled blue cheese in it.

:: ::: ::
I understand that life will get harder for us after the birth of our baby but there are small things I'm looking forward to post-pregnancy besides the obvious bundle of joy:

1. Unpasteurized Cheese!
2. Spicy Tuna Rolls.
3. Cleaning the litter box. This sounds weird but The Husband is less fastidious than I and the entire room where the litter box is has begun to look like a sand trap.
4. Wine and daiquiris. I'm not even a big drinker but it's daiquiri season for chrissakes!
5. Less fluctuation in hormone levels. At least, I hope these get better.
6. Not working for at least a few months.
7. Fitting into more than one pair of shoes.

Proposal II

Well, I was called into HR today and told that my proposal was a no-go. I wasn't surprised and shrugged it off by asking for eight weeks of maternity leave instead of the standard six weeks (we don't qualify for FMLA). That request was pretty much granted.

I was also informed that since I have so much free time that I will be taking on additional responsibilities to keep me busy with no discussion of a pay raise. How generous!!

I figure that eight weeks will give me enough time off to recover and find a part-time job for the evenings. I'll be able to use up my four weeks vacation and sick time as well.

Honestly, I'm angry that I've hit a glass ceiling in a woman's organization. I'm upset that I'll not be leaving on good terms and therefore burning a bridge to the one place that I've been proud to work for. I'm hurt that I'm not valuable enough to make arrangements with. I'm insecure about my value as an employee. I'm relieved that my boss is supportive of any decision that I make and understands where I am coming from.

In the end I know it'll work out. After talking to a single mother friend of mine yesterday, I'm thankful once again that I am not doing this alone but with The (mostly) Wonderful Husband.

Update: I just got off with the phone with The Husband. I was a little nervous about sharing the news as he (understandably) doesn't like me to do anything rash when it comes to jobs. However, as soon as I told him, his response was, "F*ck 'em." I love my husband.

Appliance Repair

Our 4 month old refrigerator and freezer decided to stop working yesterday. Fortunately it's still under warranty but that is no solace to our dear friend, KK, whom I woke up at 8 AM today to fill her refrigerator and freezer with chicken breasts and shredded cheese. I just spent the last half hour crafting a poison pen letter to the people who sold us said refrigerator.

:: ::: ::
I woke up around 3 AM today with the usual full bladder and numb hands. However, I was also experiencing a lot of pressure on my pelvic area when I stood up. Everything was fine - The Baby probably shifted, nothing crazy. However, there was enough discomfort that in my haze I had a mini panic attack. Yes indeed, this baby is coming soon and I'm not so sure anymore that it's a good idea!

To help me return to sleep, I turned on the radio to listen to George Noory talk about aliens and ghosts. I was not prepared for a caller to describe how when she was pregnant she kept seeing ghosts. George's guest confirmed for the woman that pregnant people do indeed attract spirits from The Other Side. In the daylight hours, I don't much believe in The Other Side but at 3 AM I can get pretty freaked out. How very Something Wicked This Way Comes.

Da Bayou

Thirty-two weeks today!

I went down to the Bayou to Houma Louisiana for work today. My co-worker and I ate at a highly recommended Mexican restaurant. The food was a good price and they had a good size lunch crowd but were by no means lacking in tables. So, when our waitress grabbed my co-worker's plate out from under her while she was still eating and then immediately returned with the check, I was confused as to why we were being hurried. After twice asking us within five minutes if we were finished with the check, I responded with a mouth full of chips, "Ma'am, we are not yet done eating." Her tip slowly crept down from 20% to 10% to 2 cents. Yes, I tipped her 2 cents because she obviously had a problem with pregnant people. It couldn't have been the color of my co-workers skin that earned us such poor service.

Today reminded me of a recent article about a the proprietor of a Bed & Breakfast that we once stayed at. Houma has a little bit of a problem.

I enjoyed my drive back to the office. There was lots of roadkill to keep me entertained but the kicker was a three foot alligator! I had never seen alligator roadkill before. Part of me wanted to pull over and make a belt.

Eight more weeks. Holy. Shit.

Bed Bugs

When I first announced my pregnancy, my co-worker excitedly offered a hand-me-down crib to use as her youngest is outgrowing it and will be moving into a "big girl bed". Since the offer, said co-worker has delayed getting said "big girl bed" and it looks like she will be keeping the crib until her other baby daddy starts making his payments.

This is fine. I'm a little miffed only because that was one thing that I didn't plan on purchasing and therefore didn't mind investing in a co-sleeper. This and my co-worker is a flake.

What I liked about the crib that was offered was that it not only converted into a toddler bed but it had drawers beneath it and along the side. It seemed like a very good use of space. I started perusing Babies "R" Us today via Amazon but could find nothing that offered as much drawer space.

The one bed that I did find was by Storkcraft and had shaky reviews.

Rochester Crib With Drawer

Has anyone out there ... 1: Had any negative or positive experiences with Storkcraft that they would like to share; and 2: Seen a convertible crib with ample drawer space?

Saw Mill

FYI: pulverizing an unripe avocado in the food processor does not a ripe avocado make.

My carpal tunnel is still bad despite my efforts to prop my hands on pillows while sleeping and not under my head. Today I am going to double my water drinking efforts in hopes that I will not wake up numb and in pain during the night. I do expect to empty my bladder more frequently though.

One advantage to my change in sleeping positions is that I snore more loudly and obnoxiously than ever before and wake up with the bed all to myself. Pre-pregnancy I would stumble out to the living room and coax The Husband back to the bedroom if he was asleep on the couch. Now I'm all "Sweet! More room for me and more pillows!" The snoring does not seem to effect the kitties.

Dr. HappyKnife

Ok, I complain some about pregancy symptoms because isn't that what we're supposed to do? I know the pains will only worsen over the next two months and soon I might decided to take the elevator at work because I can't catch my breath. Over all, I don't have it that bad but this carpal tunnel business has got to go! The numbness and pain in my hands is worse than when I briefly worked as a prep cook. I was able to quit that job but I can't quit pregnancy for at least another two months.

I didn't do anything exciting over the weekend. I washed about three weeks of neglected laundry and cleaned the house which was all very rewarding. I also watched Babies: Special Delivery and pretended that I knew more than the doctors. For example, I like to yell out to the TV: "Failure to progress, my ass!" and "Could you sell that cesarean any harder, Dr. HappyKnife?!!" I of course DO NOT have medical school and a residency under my belt but it makes me feel good anyway.

The Husband went to a fabulous crawfish boil on Saturday that I didn't think I would have the patience for. I believe that I chose wisely.

This whole belly thing is strange. On one hand, I'm very proud to be showing and that I look pregnant. On the other hand, when there is drinking, smoking and general merriment happening, I feel like "Captain No Fun: Reminding You of Adulthood and Responsibility".

This pregnancy paradox is similar to the "I can get it MYSELF! I'm not an INVALID!" and the "You don't really expect me to carry that 30 lb. tub of kitty litter, do you?" equation.

The Husband got a promotion on Friday. I'm very proud of him. He's now the boss of two people and gets to handle bigger, badder crimes.

Summer Hours

We have started a new procedure here at the office called "Summer Hours". Basically, we work an extra hour during the weekdays and we get half days on Fridays. It's a pretty good deal since we don't work forty hour work weeks anyway. My new hours are: M-Th 8:30-5:30 and Fridays 8:30 - 11:30. Pretty sweet but how am I supposed to read all of the blogs I like, inform myself of current events AND do some work in three hours today?

I got the coolest gift in the mail yesterday from a dear friend. I was hesitant to register for a diaper bag because I'm carefully trying to sift through what I NEED as a parent and what THE BABY INDUSTRY is forcing on me (I'm finding that this is worse than planning a wedding). I began to question what a "diaper bag" could do for me that a backpack couldn't. I like the Lands' End Diaper Bag but being a New Englander, I am also partial to the one from L.L. Bean. Well, problem solved. My buddy sent me the hottest diaper bag from Old Navy. It's brown with hot pink accents. Not really husband friendly, but we can also use the backpack at times. She also sent me some fun onsies. Hooray, problem solved. People rock.

Appointment #8 - Those Magic Words

I went to The Doctor this morning. As much as I wrack my brain for questions to ask her, there are none for me to express. The concerns that I really have are ones she can't answer anyway: Will I have a natural childbirth? Will my baby be healthy? Can I work from home? Will my kid be fortunate enough to attend Lusher or will we have to fork out big bucks for Sacred Heart? Is it morally reprehensible for me not to consider our neighborhood public school?

I didn't gain any weight within the last two weeks which is fantastic considering that I ate my way through last week and the stress that accompanied it. My blood pressure was higher than normal but The Doctor didn't say anything about it. It could have been that it was a different nurse and a different arm. Heartbeat was good and The Doctor seemed to think she could feel the head in a non-breech position. The baby has a head!

Then the doctor did me a huge favor without even knowing it. She said something so simple to me, the three words that I've been longing to hear:

"Everything looks great."

Advice to Newly Pregnant Ladies

Because I am a wise 31-weeker and know EVERYTHING since I have spent the entire last 26 weeks of my life researching pregnancy online (please note sarcasm), I have some advice to offer:

1. Morning Sickness is not just for sissies and there is always someone out there who is so much worse off than you are. Pray for them.
2. Buy a container of Clorox Disenfecting Wipes and keep them in the bathroom. You'll be spending a lot of time in there and you might as well start cleaning the grime out of the nooks and crannies of your toilet as you hover over it.
3. Do NOT eat loads of raw carrots if you are still puking. They will rip up your throat and cause you pain for three days.
4. Pet names are great for the fetus. You have to call it something. However, don't let your annoying co-worker name it for you or you will have to endure said nickname four times a day, five days a week. Nip it in the bud QUICK.
5. Don't worry, those maternity clothes won't always seem so gigantic.
6. Try not to get offended at every little thing. When ten people ask you in a day the sex of the baby and the due date or what you plan on naming the little bugger, don't get annoyed. They're just showing interest and don't know what else to say to you. When the custodian in your office tells you that he's going to have to widen the door for you, just breath deeply, he thinks he's funny. When your friends take an unprecedented interest in how much caffeine you consume or whether calamari is a "safe" food, smile and vow to make them babysit one day.

Oh Yeah, I Forgot

31 Weeks Today!

Swollen Feet
Itchy Belly
Random Aches in VERY strange places
Intense Hunger Spells
Shortness of Breath

Would I trade this period of pregnancy for any of the first 16 weeks? Hell no.

The Will and The Way

The Husband and I did the inevitable last night. We went to go see THAT movie. I was ready to hate it but I secretly wanted to love it. I came out somewhere in the middle. We saw it with a friend of ours who had not seen the second movie and she thought the dialogue was "stilted". Let me tell ya, having seen the second movie, I thought the dialogue was leaps and bounds better.

The pacing was good. The opening sequence was fantastic. I felt myself become more emotionally involved with this film. There was only one time that I rolled my eyes and that was when a wookie let out a Tarzan yell during battle.

It was painfully obvious that much of the dialogue about "The Republic" and "Supreme Chancellor Palpatine" was based on the current administration here in the United States.

The BEST thing about the movie? It was loud. It was VERY loud. It was SO LOUD that I could finally prove to someone else that there is an alien in my belly and she did dance moves to fighter jet engines.

(So KK, if you want to feel this baby move, you'll have to take me to an action film. I'm free most nights; popcorn and a soda might help with movement.)