Appointment #10 - Revelations

I first read Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions over two years ago. Armed with new information about babies and the medical industry, I marched into my next gynecological appointment with lots of questions. My OBGYN was about 6 or 7 months pregnant at the time. I asked her about fetal dopplers and midwifery. She talked about doctor patient relationships. I also asked her about homebirth at which point she shared a story about a picture they were shown in med school of an otherwise healthy (?) 26 year old in a bathtub who had bled to death during childbirth. She then proceeded to turn the faucet in the exam room on full blast and say, "this is how much and how quickly you will bleed if there is a problem." Finally, she told me that I read too much.

I might have mentioned this before. It was because of this exchange that I sought out a new doctor. I never could figure out why the first OBGYN become so defensive. I do not believe that I was confrontational with my questions so I chalked it up to pregnancy hormones on her part. I felt so bad after the fact that I considered calling or writing to see if I had offended her. The bottom line was that because of her reluctance to discuss standard medical procedures, I was uncomfortable with her.

Today as I sat across from my new OBGYN who I've had since days after conception (before I even knew I was pregnant) and we talked any final questions I had about birth and her philosophies, I realized the amount of trust that I had in her. I wanted a doctor that would support me through natural childbirth and that I could trust if she said, "looks like we need to change course and do a cesarean/episiotomy/forcep delivery." I think that there is trust on her part too; trust that I won't turn into a monster, berate her and threaten a law suit; trust that I will follow her guidelines and advice in order not to endanger myself or my baby.

I think that this is what upset my first OBGYN. I wasn't acknowledging the bond that can grow between an doctor and a patient during all of those pre-natal visits. I was seeing the relationship as adversarial rather than cooperative. I'm not saying that I'll be sending my doctor birthday cards or asking about her personal life but there is a bond there that will allow me to not only entrust her with my life but also the life of my child. I'm fortunate for this.