Slap Happy

As I walk around my home and notice the thick layer of dust under the furniture and the uncovered outlets, I am thankful that infants are not mobile. There are two nails protruding from our closet that I just don't know how to cover up. They're about two feet off the ground and I can therefore justify not dealing with them for at least another year.

My child is doomed I tell ya.

I dreamt last night that I was slapping around a neighborhood kid because she was looking into the rental side of the house and wouldn't get off the porch. I had only socks on my feet and had the presence of mind in my dream to watch out for deadly BUCKMOTH CATERPILLARS.

This dream might give someone the impression that I am going to be overprotective of my new tenants (who paid their rent EARLY for this month by the way) but in actuality the dream merely reiterates the fact that I am terrified of two-inch long caterpillars (personified by a small child) that have descended on the city like the plague. No, wait, it IS the plague. The Big Easy is going to be called to task and we're all going to hell.

Does this mean that I can start drinking again?